Hospital Flowers

      

Happiness returned to me through a grave emergency.

A little over a week ago, we got a call that my grandmother had lost her battle with cancer. It hit me pretty hard, although I had seen it coming for awhile now. I've always held the firm belief that death doesn't mean you'll never see someone again, or that it's even necessarily a bad thing depending on the circumstances. Still, it's been a very long time since someone close to me has died, and considering how I haven't been able to see my grandmother for well over a year, it's been on the back of my mind. 

I guess I'm not really bothered that she's gone. I know I'll see her again someday and I'm glad she doesn't have to worry about anything anymore. I guess I'm more upset at the fact that she hasn't been able to see who I've become. She won't be able to see me progress in the way I hoped she would. I haven't been able to make her as proud or happy as I would've hoped, but I guess the only thing I can really do at this point is keep going as if she were still around, because I could still be making her happy. 

One of my favorite songs of all time is by Owl City, and it's called 'Hospital Flowers', and the basic message of the song is to be happy and embrace life because it really is fragile. And that song really helped me through the darkest times of these past couple weeks. I got the idea of flowers from the song, and how this past year or two have recently been planting flowers in a garden area we previously didn't use. It was something I really wanted my grandma to be able to see since she lives in the city and didn't get to see that kind of thing much. I just took those ideas and let my emotions flow. 

I feel like I've just been rambling at this point. Let me make it clear that I don't want sympathy. Because now, I know how precious life is, and I know how important it is to keep the people you love close to you at all times. I think in the long run this will make me better. And by the words of Owl City, happiness returned to me through a grave emergency. 

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